Buckle Up Boy. I’m just getting warmed up.
Ain’t nothing easy about being a Man. It’s all pain and suffering.
Brother nothing ruins a person more effectively, more tragically than self importance. That’s what all this psychopath business has been about; self importance. If we have an over inflated sense of importance we don’t really care much about the consequences of our actions on others. Why would we? We would be thinking we are important. It’s easy to say the words, that we do care. It’s easy to pretend, even when we really don’t.
We discussed this in a previous chapter, that if we asked my mother if she loved me, she would say yes, but anyone can look at that situation and see that simply wasn’t true. That is shit she has to tell herself to avoid reality. It’s easy to tell ourselves lies. It’s so easy we are all lying to ourselves.
We can easily see how the self importance of these men in charge of our culture is literally fucking us all up. We have been ingrained with this way of thinking from the first day of life. We are utterly immersed in it like a fish in water. The water has been poisoned.
Simply put it just sucks the life force right out of all of us. It’s a constant drain on our psyche. Even if we are not doing it ourselves we are still caught up in the energy of those who are. All our energy, instead of doing meaningful things is completely lost in maintaining self importance. It’s like a great psychic vacuum, just sucking the life right out of us. I know this because I spent most of my life thinking I was just so fucking important. How much more terrible would the lives of any who have ever known me had been, had I taken up the self important to the same degree these other psychopaths have? I have all the makings of a truly evil fuck. I have all the trappings of a man of great power. Luckily for us though, somehow, someway, I held on tight to wanting to actually be a decent human being.
I could always feel the hole in my chest, and I wanted to heal it. Anyone with the mind/body gap has this hole in their chest where their heart should be. I think what saved me was that I wanted to truly love, and be loved. That mattered the most to me; Love. That saved my life. It’s true, until I healed the hole in my chest I filled it with all manner of bullshit like everyone else does, but it was mostly all self harm. I just didn’t have it in me to take it out on everyone else. I did, of course, end up doing that, but it was never my intention. These other psychopaths mainly harm others intentionally. Most of them pick power over others as their drug of choice.
It’s just another way of adding suffering to the suffering. All of it, whether we self harm, or take up harming others. I was fucking my own life up thinking I was important, when my life was clearly already all fucked up. The real truth was that I was only ever a real nobody, which is a super painful emotion to have if one thinks they are special. This way of thinking, that I was special, and important, was harming everyone. That’s why most psychopaths go about acquiring wealth and power at everyone else’s expense; to prove they are not a nobody. Just like with them, everyone in my life had to suffer my self importance. That’s another way of looking at the fractal.
We are already doomed to suffer in this culture, but in my stupidity and ignorance I was just putting more salt on the wound instead of healing it. We could say the salt prevented infection, that the pain of the salt kept me from just being numb to the hole, but it also prevented healing. I am unable to see anything without seeing the paradox.
I thought I was so important, that no one should have ever abused me. Thought. That is the key word. This thought was devoid of feeling. I thought I was so special, so important, that no one should have ever laid a fucking hand on me. This contrast between thinking, and actual reality, which is a feeling, is what self importance is. It is when we place a special importance on our thinking without any feelings. It is an over identification with thinking. We could say my thinking I was so important was saving my life in a certain way, by avoiding my terrible feelings about my life. It was most definitely keeping me from literally killing myself, but it was also harming me, and everyone around me. I was always surrounded by people who also could not feel, and were only identified with their thinking. We are all swimming in this poisonous way of living. This way of thinking only made it all a slow kill instead. We are all on slow kill. So in that way, obviously, it was better than the whole truth, which I would not have been able to withstand. Always this paradox. It takes a lot of inner work to build up to real truth.
It really is just the most terrible feeling when it’s true that no one really gives a shit. They will sure say they do, but if we look at it honestly; they do not.
Pity is just self importance, whether it’s self pity, or pity for others. Most modern uses of the word compassion is really just massive self importance in disguise. Such a cunning trick, so that a person can feel good about themselves. Look at me! Look how important I am! I have compassion! It’s a scam. If a person was truly in a place of compassion they would be raging about the complete lack of accountability. These people are extremely narcissistic. The blanket use of compassion is just self importance.
That is one saying, out loud, in effect; I know what is best for another. Horse shit! A person can be just as psychopathic under the cover of compassion. I can make a solid argument that these people are just as evil, because it’s really just apathy. This fake compassion doesn’t actually make it any better for any of us. More often than not what one needs most in life is planted on their face, and held accountable. To have some dirt kicked on them when they cry about it. Get up you weak ass bitch of a man; take responsibility for your life!
Most of humanity is abused. So reality is, no one is so special that it shouldn’t happen to them. Why should I not suffer the same fate as everyone else? No one is free from how it actually is. One being lucky enough to be born into a non violent situation doesn’t free them from the abuse. We could just call this the luck of the draw. They got it a little easier. I don’t think this situation is any better at all really because they can more easily pretend it’s not the case that they were abused. Those raised like me; it’s undeniable.
I can easily make an argument that these people often are the most harmful, because they end up being the most apathetic. They never do anything about it. Having never been overtly abused, they don’t really care. They will identify with their thinking, that is self importance, and think they know what is best for someone else, and ultimately will be no different than any other raping tyrant that ever lived. How is the person who just stands by and lets the rape happen any less free of the responsibility than the actual rapist? Brother, listen to me: public education fucked everyone up bad. Having no true understanding of abuse, they are useless in preventing or stopping it, and so under the guise of knowing best, or compassion, they really actually just perpetuate it. This is one of the many vantage points regarding why so many are abused. Instead of actually caring, they just think they care, just my mother who would say she loved me.
It’s well known there is a lot of talk in the spiritual syntaxes about reincarnation, about us picking our birth, and our lessons, before being born. There is a lot of theory and talk about all of this, but I have absolutely zero awareness of having ever made these decisions, so this is not a line of thought I follow. I would only be participating in my own self importance to think I picked this. Makes it all very important thinking this way. It also gives one a false sense of control.
Looking back at my life, it was almost entirely my thinking I was special that kept me from actually seeing reality. It did nothing but perpetuate my suffering instead of resolving it, which is what I really wished most for myself. I was only ever living a huge lie. The way I have found my way around this is, to simply say, that to some people I am special. My lover thinks I’m special. The people I heal with the Word, often think I am special. My neighbor’s lover probably thinks I am a piece of shit. That homeless guy who just walked down the sidewalk could give a shit about me. So which is it? Well, that would depend on my own sense of self importance wouldn’t it? Which one is true?
Remember the storyteller metaphor? If I’m that storyteller in the middle of a group, it might seem I’m the most important at that time. It might even make me feel special in that moment, to have the attention of so many people. What if I did a really great job telling the story, and suddenly everyone listening thinks I’m special? Does that actually make me special? I don’t think so. I don’t think any amount of thinking will ever make it special. I will shit, piss, fuck, and fight right into the grave same as any other monkey that has ever lived. Nothing special about it. I don’t ever think I’m important anymore. All I have to do is look down at my arm and I know I can’t even cross the fucking street.
There is such a fine line between doing things because we wish to be important, and simply doing what one was born to do. If no one else is doing what they were born to do, if no one else is taking up that call, it’s sure easy to think we are important for doing so. It’s just not true. Think of the person who has been unhealthy all their life. Then one day, it all comes crashing down, and they have to change or die. They become healthy. They learn to eat right, and start taking care of their body. Their ego inflates. They go around “saving the world” telling everyone else to be healthy, and how great it is. How being healthy is the solution to so many of our problems. On and on. I’m betting we’ve all seen a person do this. I know I sure did.
Then they meet someone like me, who has already learned this painful lesson, and they say, you’re acting like you’re special for doing what one should have just been doing all along. This bragging about being healthy is nothing but more self importance. That is just a baseline fact of life to be healthy. Nothing special about it.
Always the paradox. Always. In this one hand, looking at the size and scope of the known universe, from the biggest thing, to the smallest, we do not even amount to the importance of a single atom in the atmosphere; an infinitesimal speck of nothing: literally. Nothing on Earth is going to even notice if a single hydrogen atom were to go missing. That’s a real fact. The greatest moment of our life amounts to nothing.
I can see in my mind’s eye all the triggering that statement causes in those filled with self importance.
Yet, on the other hand we are divine beings capable of almost anything. We could have just as easily been the one to make the most destructive force known to Earth; the hydrogen bomb. We could have been the one, to take that smallest particle, and make the most destructive force from it. Even better; we could be a Buddha, or a Christ. So which is true?
Well, they are both true. No one can give us this answer; it is up to us to decide when, where, and how we bring our hands together. How we become a divine nobody is entirely up to us. Whether that is a limp wristed clap, or a great thunderous noise heard across the way; it is up to us. Jung has a way of talking about standing in opposing opposites until a third way presents itself. We all must do this, or we will never be whole. Back to the paradox; nothing special about being whole.
It’s obvious, here now, talking this way that my thinking I’m special does not actually make me special. It’s just a compensation for how terrible one feels. It’s a drug used to avoid reality. As always, so plain to see said this way, but we both know Brother, most likely, your thinking is as full of self importance as mine was. This must be smashed to bits. You Brother, must bring your hands together with such tremendous force that there is no room for self importance. It is actually true, that we are the most important figure in our own lives, it’s just that merely thinking so, doesn’t actually make it special, because everyone has that exact same thing going on. There is just nothing special about it.
I am going to go ahead and say one of the greatest scientific experiments ever conducted is that of the; control button. You know, because I’m so important. Ha. Seriously though, this is really at the base of what is happening. These pleb farmers knew what they were doing thousands of years ago. They have been doing nothing but perfecting the art. It might be awhile before it truly settles in for a fella why this is one of the most important discoveries of the human psyche ever. If I do this right though, you’ll never get it back out of your head.
Allow me to set the scene. Scientists conducted the experiment multiple times, using many different groups of people, like any good scientists should. Every time the same experiment. A control room, and a variant room. In both rooms, everything is exactly the same except for one thing. Both groups of people were given tasks that require socializing to complete. They had no choice, but to work together. The groups are told that they will be measured on performance, and that they will be compared to the other group. Of course, neither group knows if they are the control, or the variant. So the stage has been set; in both rooms the groups are working at a large table together. In the middle of the table is a large red button. When they are told; go, a near deafening sound fills the room. It’s such a noise that would distract any normal monkey from being able to focus. The control group is told nothing about the button on the table.
The variant room though, has been told about the button, and that they can stop the sound any time they want, in order to complete their tasks to the best of the other group. They can simply push a button, and the noise will stop.
What they found is that the group who was told about the button, in every instance, performed dramatically better on their tests, than the group who knew nothing of the button. That is not necessarily profound. What was profound was that never in any of the experiments did that group ever actually use the button. Given the option to stop the noise was the only thing necessary for better results. This a sense of control. Take notice; this is not actually control, but a sense of it.
Having never pressed the button they didn’t even know if the button would have worked or not! We have already discussed this in a previous chapter, the difference between thinking a thing, and knowing it. They simply thought it would work, without ever actually seeing if it would work or not. Brother! This is one of the most important experiments about our own psyche ever conducted. Simple fact of life: Humans perform better under duress if they have a sense of control, regardless if that sense of control even actually exists or not. Going to be awhile for a lot of monkeys before that settles in.
This really drops the bottom out of that self importance. It also speaks directly to how easily it is to domesticate a primate. Just give them a fake sense of control. Preacher men are professional domesticators.
Think about all these people who cannot be talked out of their idea of god. How many are there whom despite all facts, and any reasoning, hold to their beliefs? We have all seen this, when a person who just outright denies facts right to the face.
You see, it’s not actually the facts, or reasoning, that they are holding on to. What they are holding on to more often than not, quite literally for dear life; is their sense of control. Take away a person’s sense of control and you’ll find out who they really are. We can literally watch a person right before our very eyes turn into the actual pile of stupid ignorant shit that they are if stripped of their sense of control. Take away a person’s self importance, which is really just a way of thinking, and then you have the real thing. I’ve done this to people, and I’m telling you they will have a psychotic episode. It’s a dangerous thing to do to someone.
A sense of control means one performs better when under duress, and this is a performance culture. We’ve already discussed our being a fish in poisonous waters. We are born into a poisonous atmosphere. The culture literally reads, a man is only worth his performance. This makes it self fulfilling. The simple fact that one will perform better believing that a god is assisting them in life actually makes them perform better, which then proves, to them at least, that there is in fact a god assisting them in their life.
Driving.This.Home. Realize this fact. It does not matter if there is a god or not, what matters is that one has a sense of self control; even if it is just a plain fucking lie. This psychopathic way of thinking, that most everyone has, is nothing more than a false sense of control.
Hopefully I just dropped the bottom out of whatever stupid beliefs one has about god. Which Brother, is really just self importance….which is really just thinking….so this is me, here praying to god I just flushed it all down the toilet for you. Dangerous as this might be for your psyche; it is essential.
It is our duty as Men, to be consciously aware; not to have bullshit beliefs for a sense of false control. Doing that gets us domesticated. It is domestication. The pleb farmers feed their livestock a false sense of control so that they perform better. Plain and simple fact of life, here now, the year 2021 of our Lord. Wake the fuck up.
Remember, I made a vow at seventeen that I was going to become a Man, not one of these psychopaths that had brought me into the world. It’s the duty of a Man to learn how to think. I’m not being sexist here, I think all humans should learn how to think, but I am mainly writing to my Brothers. Not out of any disrespect for females, but I’ve got no clue what it means to be a Woman. None. Some Woman will have to speak to that. I’m here speaking about being a Man.
In my journey, once I realized that I was just actually really incredibly stupid and ignorant, I also realized that I didn’t know how to think at all. All these people had completely taught me wrong. I realized deep in my heart that the whole thing was one big lie. Reality is terrifying.
Life takes on a different meaning, when we realize we never had any control at all. It’s terrifying. Luckily for me my whole life had already been rather terrifying, so what was one more truth really? Didn’t seem to me it could really be any worse than it already was. None of this was up to me. When my day came, I gave it all up. We all tell ourselves lies to get through the day, nothing special about that. We all tell lies to sleep better at night. There is nothing manly about that. Nothing.
The fundamental principle here is that in the realization of one’s own stupidity and ignorance one takes in the information first, and then has an opinion about it, if even then. I’m really against this standing on opinions business. That’s what psychopaths do. Stupid people filter information through their opinions, intelligent people filter their opinions through information. We are talking about being a fucking Man. Being legitimately actually aware.
When one realizes truly, in their heart, that they are actually just very stupid and ignorant, this removes all self importance. The hard part is staying there. Staying standing in that fire. These facts are not up to me. Who am I to think I know what the facts should or shouldn’t be? Brother, you’ve got to wrap your mind around this. I am obligated as a Man to incorporate facts, and information, at the expense of my feelings. That is the suffering of the male psyche in a nutshell. We must suffer the truth in the face of our own self importance. Mother Nature doesn’t actually give a fuck about us.
This is why we say, nothing ruins a man more effectively, more efficiently than his own self importance.
It’s the first thing I do to anyone who comes my way wanting healed; I smash their self importance. This is only ever painful. Most often life has already smashed the self importance of the Brother who comes to me, and that is when he will finally hear what I have to say. So either life can do it to him, or I will do it for him, am I not life? Either way it’s going to happen if a fella wants to heal. Healing is nothing more than a proper perspective on one’s life. That’s really all it is; correct thinking.
Truth heals all wounds. It does not make it less painful. I am currently healing from an accident which has practically maimed me physically. Never again in my life will I be pain free. I will, however, heal this wound. As they say, scars are forever. Nothing about this healing process physically or mentally is comfortable. Healing the psyche is no different. True healing is not the cessation of pain, but it is the embracing of it. It was only after ridding myself of self importance that I could put a proper perspective on my own life. If all a guy wants is for his pain to end, he’s weak, and doesn’t deserve it.
Buckle up boy. I’m just getting warmed up.
